Left Field Moments
The boy who became a man.
There once was a young man, much like you or me who fell in love. At least, that is what he thought it was. But that is totally aside, for this story is about the young man, and for him it was as love as love can be, and maybe even a little more than the last time he had felt this way.
The simple thought of her made his knees weak, his eyes started to sparkle and his heart raced a little faster when he thought of her seductive smile and those eyes that tease as she glances your way. He had just seen her briefly, but in that moment he could feel the intensity of their attraction, and it was like a raging fire that consumed his thoughts with wonder and amazement.
And wasn't it just last Friday that he said that he still pains for his previous relationship. He was still trying to heal the wounds of his previous x lover. The one who he left because she told so many lies. You remember? The one with the tight lips and the crazy eyes. Those crazy eyes that attracted our young lover in the first place.
He was still in pain from that relationship he left behind to make the solid resolution to never, ever again do something stupid like that. And here, totally unexpected he had found this vision of beauty that swept him off his feet. He remembers now how this was not the first time they had met, but it was most certainly the first time that he had noticed. The attraction between them was almost tangible the way it pulled him towards her.
The day after he noticed he forgot about her of course. How could he have ever imagined that a girl like her would ever notice him! Imagine her falling for him, a barefoot tribal warrior. She didnt need protection, not with her proud and confident personality that just seems to grab the attention of every single person that had the grace to come in to her presence.
She of course had just completed a chapter on how you create your own reality, and this night she was zoning perfectly. It was indeed like the book says! You really do create the reality you desire. Everybody was friendly with her, everybody smiled, and in heartwarming reply she smiled them a smile like she meant it. Her friends even commented on her looks and her hair, and it was the same dress she had worn last week! She even remembers how she realized it was the same dress as the last time she visited but she decided to wear it in any case, in a firm resolve that her new self could handle any negative comments in that regard. In any case, she did not plan on staying long. She now wished she had stayed longer, but then again it may have turned bad if she did. This way it was just a perfect memory.
He had to say "I do" at the altar.
The perfect girl he had met with the seductive eyes and the mouth whom he had discovered, not only teased but also pleased. That mouth that smiled at him in full glory behind the veil of the angel that was standing right in front of him. She looked magnificent! Her hair pushed back with pins that sparkled in their crystal brilliance, her breasts pushed to perfect volume by the dress that seemed to float as she walked down the isle.
He still had doubts.
And it was rightly so that he suspected he was gay. As a rebellious teenager he had left his mothers home to show once and for all that he was not a child any more. He had doubts of course, as he walked barefoot in the park. His shoulders slumped as he thought what he should do then. His mind was racing then as it was now, trying to plan the next step, but seemingly unable to come to a best-case-scenario. He hated moments like this. Moments where time was of the essence. Moments where he knew his next action could change his whole reality but where he did not have a plan. He left the house of his childhood because they could not let him be himself, because his mother kept on pushing him to be more, telling him that he should never accept anything but the best, because the best is what he deserved. He had enough of her making his choices. Only thing was, he did not have a plan.
He was lucky of course, because sitting in the park he got noticed by an old gray man who was deep in thought on the selfish and empty life he had. Sure it was good while he was there, but every now and then when he sat in the park he reflected on the children he never had. Never could have as it turned out to be. He could never commit to a relationship after he found out that he was shooting blanks, and never could there be. That day he fell off a horse, many, many years ago had resulted in his infertility for life, and an early choice that he could never expect any woman to forfeit the reason she was a woman in the first place, the reason to have a child. But he had worked hard for his fortune, trying to convince his parents that he was a child worthy of their love. He had many friends, and moved in high circles. He had the open top sports model that his father never even dreamed of, but he could not have the child that his mother wished for. He was sad sometimes, like that day in the park when he noticed the boy sitting against the tree.
The old man had often thought of adoption. Not because it was the in thing to do those days, heaven forbid! Just because he knew, deep down he just knew that he could be the father he never really had. He had the means and he had the love. The love that he sealed up inside him when he realized that he would never be able to give that love to a child of his own.
But then again, it was not this that the man was thinking in the park, it was his own habitual failure in relationships, and it was just the night before at the club that he over-heard people talking about the string of lovers he had in the last year. It was hurtful to hear such vindictive backstabbing from people you thought of as friends, but bittersweet in the knowledge that it was exactly this kind of busy-body gossip mongering that made him choose to stay away from the club in the first place. He knew that he should not have gone... And then he noticed the young boy under the tree. A little rugged perhaps, but then again a little rugged every now and then never hurt anyone. At least not for longer than a few days!
It was only when he saw the young boy again at the cafeteria, trying to pay for coffee that he made his first move. It was almost like a ritual. The young men just happened to be at the bar when he tried to order a drink and then, as if they are totally surprised by their lack of funds they look over to you with pleading, panicky eyes as if you are the saviour of every innocent young starlet in the club. As the teenager tried to ruffle through his pockets for more change he offered to buy the coffee standing there, as if waiting for an owner. This time it was not a young starlet trying to chat up an old man, but a young boy that was lonely and angry and lost. A straight young boy as it turned out, though even that was not enough motivation to the old man to break his resolution to never, ever take advantage of the surrogate father-figure he had offered to the young man in distress. He decided then and there that he would love this boy as his own and give him the benefit of his home and his care.
The young man standing at the altar had doubts when he saw his beloved walking down the isle, he had doubts when he listened to the promise he would make... And then he said "I do".
Now, as he stood before his bride those doubts he had came crashing through his perfect explanation of why he had such thoughts. The image in his mind was like a mask that replaced the face of his bride. He looked deep into the eyes of the girl standing before him, and he remembered that he saw the same love in the eyes of the old man that had cared for him when he left his childhood home. He realized that the love he had shared with his saviour and benefactor was the same love he had for his wife. That very love that made him fear that he was gay was the love he had for the bride standing in front of him.
But just as soon as doubt broke through his defenses by the painful honesty that he once loved a man the young man realized that everything was fine, just the way that it always was. That love is something that can be shared with anyone you choose, that once we have loved it never goes away unless we consciously tear it into a shredded heap of pain. He realized that right now, this moment, he chooses his bride.
He was no longer a boy who expected others to make choices in his best interest because they loved him. He was a man who loved and made choices. A man who could be trusted because he made choices in love.
There once was a young man, much like you or me who fell in love. At least, that is what he thought it was. But that is totally aside, for this story is about the young man, and for him it was as love as love can be, and maybe even a little more than the last time he had felt this way.
The simple thought of her made his knees weak, his eyes started to sparkle and his heart raced a little faster when he thought of her seductive smile and those eyes that tease as she glances your way. He had just seen her briefly, but in that moment he could feel the intensity of their attraction, and it was like a raging fire that consumed his thoughts with wonder and amazement.
And wasn't it just last Friday that he said that he still pains for his previous relationship. He was still trying to heal the wounds of his previous x lover. The one who he left because she told so many lies. You remember? The one with the tight lips and the crazy eyes. Those crazy eyes that attracted our young lover in the first place.
He was still in pain from that relationship he left behind to make the solid resolution to never, ever again do something stupid like that. And here, totally unexpected he had found this vision of beauty that swept him off his feet. He remembers now how this was not the first time they had met, but it was most certainly the first time that he had noticed. The attraction between them was almost tangible the way it pulled him towards her.
The day after he noticed he forgot about her of course. How could he have ever imagined that a girl like her would ever notice him! Imagine her falling for him, a barefoot tribal warrior. She didnt need protection, not with her proud and confident personality that just seems to grab the attention of every single person that had the grace to come in to her presence.
She of course had just completed a chapter on how you create your own reality, and this night she was zoning perfectly. It was indeed like the book says! You really do create the reality you desire. Everybody was friendly with her, everybody smiled, and in heartwarming reply she smiled them a smile like she meant it. Her friends even commented on her looks and her hair, and it was the same dress she had worn last week! She even remembers how she realized it was the same dress as the last time she visited but she decided to wear it in any case, in a firm resolve that her new self could handle any negative comments in that regard. In any case, she did not plan on staying long. She now wished she had stayed longer, but then again it may have turned bad if she did. This way it was just a perfect memory.
He had to say "I do" at the altar.
The perfect girl he had met with the seductive eyes and the mouth whom he had discovered, not only teased but also pleased. That mouth that smiled at him in full glory behind the veil of the angel that was standing right in front of him. She looked magnificent! Her hair pushed back with pins that sparkled in their crystal brilliance, her breasts pushed to perfect volume by the dress that seemed to float as she walked down the isle.
He still had doubts.
And it was rightly so that he suspected he was gay. As a rebellious teenager he had left his mothers home to show once and for all that he was not a child any more. He had doubts of course, as he walked barefoot in the park. His shoulders slumped as he thought what he should do then. His mind was racing then as it was now, trying to plan the next step, but seemingly unable to come to a best-case-scenario. He hated moments like this. Moments where time was of the essence. Moments where he knew his next action could change his whole reality but where he did not have a plan. He left the house of his childhood because they could not let him be himself, because his mother kept on pushing him to be more, telling him that he should never accept anything but the best, because the best is what he deserved. He had enough of her making his choices. Only thing was, he did not have a plan.
He was lucky of course, because sitting in the park he got noticed by an old gray man who was deep in thought on the selfish and empty life he had. Sure it was good while he was there, but every now and then when he sat in the park he reflected on the children he never had. Never could have as it turned out to be. He could never commit to a relationship after he found out that he was shooting blanks, and never could there be. That day he fell off a horse, many, many years ago had resulted in his infertility for life, and an early choice that he could never expect any woman to forfeit the reason she was a woman in the first place, the reason to have a child. But he had worked hard for his fortune, trying to convince his parents that he was a child worthy of their love. He had many friends, and moved in high circles. He had the open top sports model that his father never even dreamed of, but he could not have the child that his mother wished for. He was sad sometimes, like that day in the park when he noticed the boy sitting against the tree.
The old man had often thought of adoption. Not because it was the in thing to do those days, heaven forbid! Just because he knew, deep down he just knew that he could be the father he never really had. He had the means and he had the love. The love that he sealed up inside him when he realized that he would never be able to give that love to a child of his own.
But then again, it was not this that the man was thinking in the park, it was his own habitual failure in relationships, and it was just the night before at the club that he over-heard people talking about the string of lovers he had in the last year. It was hurtful to hear such vindictive backstabbing from people you thought of as friends, but bittersweet in the knowledge that it was exactly this kind of busy-body gossip mongering that made him choose to stay away from the club in the first place. He knew that he should not have gone... And then he noticed the young boy under the tree. A little rugged perhaps, but then again a little rugged every now and then never hurt anyone. At least not for longer than a few days!
It was only when he saw the young boy again at the cafeteria, trying to pay for coffee that he made his first move. It was almost like a ritual. The young men just happened to be at the bar when he tried to order a drink and then, as if they are totally surprised by their lack of funds they look over to you with pleading, panicky eyes as if you are the saviour of every innocent young starlet in the club. As the teenager tried to ruffle through his pockets for more change he offered to buy the coffee standing there, as if waiting for an owner. This time it was not a young starlet trying to chat up an old man, but a young boy that was lonely and angry and lost. A straight young boy as it turned out, though even that was not enough motivation to the old man to break his resolution to never, ever take advantage of the surrogate father-figure he had offered to the young man in distress. He decided then and there that he would love this boy as his own and give him the benefit of his home and his care.
The young man standing at the altar had doubts when he saw his beloved walking down the isle, he had doubts when he listened to the promise he would make... And then he said "I do".
Now, as he stood before his bride those doubts he had came crashing through his perfect explanation of why he had such thoughts. The image in his mind was like a mask that replaced the face of his bride. He looked deep into the eyes of the girl standing before him, and he remembered that he saw the same love in the eyes of the old man that had cared for him when he left his childhood home. He realized that the love he had shared with his saviour and benefactor was the same love he had for his wife. That very love that made him fear that he was gay was the love he had for the bride standing in front of him.
But just as soon as doubt broke through his defenses by the painful honesty that he once loved a man the young man realized that everything was fine, just the way that it always was. That love is something that can be shared with anyone you choose, that once we have loved it never goes away unless we consciously tear it into a shredded heap of pain. He realized that right now, this moment, he chooses his bride.
He was no longer a boy who expected others to make choices in his best interest because they loved him. He was a man who loved and made choices. A man who could be trusted because he made choices in love.
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