I used to hate stupidity...
i have always found it interesting to ask people what they hate the most, thinking that it was a meaningful way to engage in an honest discussion without falling right in the door with a question like: "How do you visualize the devil?"
i suppose meaning is a concept that I hold in high regard...
if i was asked the same question i used to reply that i hate stupidity. used to that is, until i felt stupid this morning and realized that i felt stupid quite often. in fact, i feel stupid every time that i make a choice and try to stick to it when i know there is a better choice to be made right now.
in the past i felt stupid and immediately started to doubt the choice... i simply argued that if the choice felt stupid, there must be something wrong with it? the result of this mental emotional trigger was an exhaustive intellectual dissection of the choice that resulted in my making the choice regardless of the feeling, or not making the choice at all and doing something totally different. stupid was not something that i entertained lightly, and such choices made were thus seared into my memory as potential weaknesses if ever they were placed under scrutiny by whatever or whoever.
when i was under my parent's roof the person that usually played spot-the-mistake was my dad, as he has a will that melts even the most resolute of excuses. the result of this scrutiny of my childhood choices saw me only making choices that made perfect sense. choices that did not make absolute sense in every possible reality were admonishingly labeled as stupid, and disappointingly added to the list of examples why I would never...
in a sense i suppose it is this behavior that i secretly used as an excuse for often feeling stupid.
as i was saying, this morning i felt stupid. what made all the difference this morning, was that i did not immediately start to place the choice under scrutiny, but instead pondered on what else to do with the direction i was traveling in through peak time traffic. it was then that i remembered something else that i had to do which fitted perfectly on my journey through space and time. so perfect did it fit that the choice that made me feel stupid seemed like such a stupid idea.
accepting the stupidity of my initial choice also made me realize how often i feel stupid, and how often i fail to make choices if they do not adhere to a virtually flawless set of checks and balances. i also discovered that my feeling stupid had nothing to do with pleasing an imaginative father figure, but that it was a gift i had since childhood. a gift that instinctively warned me of a better choice, if only i had bothered to follow the directions that the moment presented. directions that i missed because i was busy with a mental onslaught of a stupid choice...
i don't hate stupidity any more, and will be much more open to feeling stupid myself because i know that this feeling is nothing less than my intuition, warning me to live the moment. i suppose it can be said that it was my fear that informed my hate, and my hate that clouded my intuition.
and so my life gains meaning...
blessed journey!
i suppose meaning is a concept that I hold in high regard...
if i was asked the same question i used to reply that i hate stupidity. used to that is, until i felt stupid this morning and realized that i felt stupid quite often. in fact, i feel stupid every time that i make a choice and try to stick to it when i know there is a better choice to be made right now.
in the past i felt stupid and immediately started to doubt the choice... i simply argued that if the choice felt stupid, there must be something wrong with it? the result of this mental emotional trigger was an exhaustive intellectual dissection of the choice that resulted in my making the choice regardless of the feeling, or not making the choice at all and doing something totally different. stupid was not something that i entertained lightly, and such choices made were thus seared into my memory as potential weaknesses if ever they were placed under scrutiny by whatever or whoever.
when i was under my parent's roof the person that usually played spot-the-mistake was my dad, as he has a will that melts even the most resolute of excuses. the result of this scrutiny of my childhood choices saw me only making choices that made perfect sense. choices that did not make absolute sense in every possible reality were admonishingly labeled as stupid, and disappointingly added to the list of examples why I would never...
in a sense i suppose it is this behavior that i secretly used as an excuse for often feeling stupid.
as i was saying, this morning i felt stupid. what made all the difference this morning, was that i did not immediately start to place the choice under scrutiny, but instead pondered on what else to do with the direction i was traveling in through peak time traffic. it was then that i remembered something else that i had to do which fitted perfectly on my journey through space and time. so perfect did it fit that the choice that made me feel stupid seemed like such a stupid idea.
accepting the stupidity of my initial choice also made me realize how often i feel stupid, and how often i fail to make choices if they do not adhere to a virtually flawless set of checks and balances. i also discovered that my feeling stupid had nothing to do with pleasing an imaginative father figure, but that it was a gift i had since childhood. a gift that instinctively warned me of a better choice, if only i had bothered to follow the directions that the moment presented. directions that i missed because i was busy with a mental onslaught of a stupid choice...
i don't hate stupidity any more, and will be much more open to feeling stupid myself because i know that this feeling is nothing less than my intuition, warning me to live the moment. i suppose it can be said that it was my fear that informed my hate, and my hate that clouded my intuition.
and so my life gains meaning...
blessed journey!
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